by Marisa


AUTHOR'S NOTES: Two bags of Doritos and a Pepsi. Yes, I know you all want me to continue "Netto.EXE", and I'm going to. But I thought this up and HAD to write it down. It's only a chapter long. BTW, I'm using the dub names because they're funnier, and this is a comedy fic. =P

By the way, I DON'T hate Enzan. Quite the contrary, actually. ^_^ I think he sexy.


Yes. This was perfect.

Megaman.EXE stared at the plans he had drawn out. This would work perfectly.

On a blue piece of paper, there was a crude stick figure labeled "EUGENE", right under a weird scribble labeled "ANVIL". In a box to the right of it was the scribble, still labeled "ANVIL", on top of a blob, labeled "EUGENE'S SCATTERED INSIDES".

Haha. Not even WWW couldn't think of a more perfect plan! Perhaps, after his love rival was dead, he could patent this and sell it to them.

But that was for later. Now, he had to set up OPERATION: LOVE RIVAL OBLITERATE!

"Soon, Lan! You will be all MINE!" Megaman cackled. Then he stopped. "I shouldn't cackle. It sounds scary."

"You say something, Megaman?" Lan asked, looking down into his PET.

Megaman laughed nervously. "No, just... cackling evilly, you know?"

"What have I told you about evil cackles, Mega?" Lan sighed. "Never mind. I have to meet Enzan-chan at the park!"

"...who?" Megaman asked.

"Eugene. Remember, my boyfriend?" Lan smiled and drifted into a shojo-bubble high at the sound of his name.

"You didn't say Eugene. You said something else."

"I did?"


"Never mind. I'm going to the park."


Eugene Chaud, normally known as just "Chaud", sighed as he waited for his dearest Netto. I mean Lan. His dearest Lan.

"Lord Chaud," Protoman commented, "What is that above your head, hanging from seemingly nowhere?"

Eugene looked up. "Looks like an anvil." He commented cooly.

"Shall I do something about it, Lord Chaud?"

"Um, I don't think it's connected to the net or anything."

"You could throw the PET at it, Lord Chaud."


At that moment, Lan ran up. "Hey, Eugene! How are you-"

SNAP! The rope holding the Anvil snapped in two! The anvil plummeted towards Enz- EUGENE! The anvil plummeted towards Eugene, and nobody else!


"EUUUGEEEEEENNNEEEE!!!" Lan cried, "NO! MY DEAREST EUGENE!" He fell to his knees next to the anvil.

"Um, Lan-"

"How, how could you have been doomed to such a comedic death?"

"Lan, I'm right-"


"Lan, I stepped out of the way. I'm all right."

Lan looked up. "Eugene! You're alive!" He latched himself onto Chaud's arm. "Oh, my love - I'll never leave your side again!"

Curses, Megaman thought. Foiled again.


"Mega, are you all right?" Lan asked, staring into the PET worriedly. "You look like you've just had plans to kill a love rival foiled, or something."

"Lan..." Megaman sighed, "I have something to tell you-"

"THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH NOT WANTING TO LEAVE EUGENE'S SIDE!" Lan exclaimed, holding up his left arm--which was handcuffed to Eugene's.

"Lan, it's not that! You have to un-handcuff yourself and get out of Eugene's mansion, NOW!"

"Nooo! Besides, we were getting ready to shower." Lan shrugged.

"GRAAARGH! Netto-kun, get out of the house!"

"What did you call me?"


"That's what I thought."

"There's a bomb, Lan."

"Really? Where?"

"In the house. You have to leave. And not take Chaud."


"Because if he stays, it'll... um... raise his hitpoints in Kingdom Hearts. I don't know."

"Oh." Lan turned and faced Euguene, who was completely oblivious to this conversation. "Enzan, would you like more hitpoints in Kingdom HeartS?"

"Huh? What's Kingdom Hearts?"

"Ah. I See." Lan turned back to Megaman. "See, we can leave together!"

There was a knock at the door. "Mister Chaud?" A maid opened the door. "Sorry to disturb you and Mr. Hikari, but I wanted to let you know I found a bomb labeled 'EUGENE-KILLING DEVICE' in the kitchen. What do you want me to do with it?"

"Um..." Eugene shrugged. "Give it to the rat."

"Your father's away on a business trip."

"Give it to the dog."

"There IS no dog, Mister Chaud."

"Oh. Disarm it, then."

"Yes, Mister Chaud."

Lan smiled as the maid left. "See? No more bomb!" He hugged Eugene.


I was so sure that bomb would get him! Megaman sighed. "Now what... hmm... I didn't want to use this, but..."


Eugene and Lan sat down at the table, and the maid set a large turkey in front of them. "Dinner is served." She said, smiling, and setting the drinks down next to their plates.

Lan snatched a leg and muched down. Eugene was about to sip his drink, but smelled it first.

"Somethign wrong?" Lan asked.

"This smells like..." Eugene began, "Like grape juice that was poisend by a navi in a jealous rage who has previously tried to kill me with an anvil and a bomb even though he had no way of setting any of those traps for me because he is trapped inside his PET."

"Wow." Lan blinked. "You got that just through your sense of smell?"


"I love you." Lan rested his head against Eugene's shoulder.

Megaman screamed.

"I love you too, Netto-chan."

Lan blinked. "WHAT... did you call me?"


"NO!" Lan pushed Eugene away, which was hard, considering they were still handcuffed. "Is.. is there another guy, Eugene? HAVE YOU BEEN CHEATING ON ME?!"

"Lan, of course not! I-"

Lan unlocked the handcuffs. "IT'S OVER!" With that, he turned, left the dining room, and ran through the door.

"THAT'S THE CLOSET, LAN!" Eugene called.



Lan trudged down the street. "I can't believe it... Eugene was cheating on me... with someone named Netto..."

"So you're over?" Megaman asked anxiously.


"You'll NEVER see him again?"


Megaman let out a sinister cackle.

"What have I told you about cackling like that, Rockman?!"